The U.S. Army and I... Part 1

The short relationship between the Army and I was always a bit strained. 

My decision to join the army could have been described as impulsive. It was my senior year in high school and I learned college was no longer an option. I needed something to throw myself into.

Despite that, I had always liked the idea of being a soldier. Someone strong and independent. Someone fighting for something worthwhile while being able to travel and see the world. As a kid I use to pretend to be a warrior, however I was always pushed academically so I never thought about actually trying to become one.

Many people surrounding me were against the idea. I was set to graduate valedictorian of my class and many of the teachers and staff at the school viewed the army as beneath my potential. Even my mother who said she would support any decision I made, said so with an undertone of worry. Many people could not imagine the petite me being someone who could fight.

Why the Army and not another branch in the service? It was the first thing that came to mind. When I think of the military I think of army first. Yes there are the Marines, Coast Guard, Navy, and the Air force, but there is something about the Army persona that seems very American. It was also the closest military office that showed up on the website.

I started off just wanting to know what ASVAB score I could get. In order to see what jobs in the military I could apply for, I needed to know what score I could get. The ASVAB, or basically the placement test, had a score range from 1-99 points, and each job would only accepted those with a certain number of points. So I called the nearest recruiting office, which again happened to be army, and they straight away set up a practice exam for the next day.

On the practice ASVAB I got a 94 and on the actual test I got a 92. At which point the recruiter was already wanting me to fill out paperwork, choose a job, and completely commit to the army life. Even though I could apply for almost every job, the job I originally wanted was not available. I felt completely pressured by the recruiter to pick another job even though none really appealed to me.

My recruiter was going to transfer to another career field within a few weeks time and he wanted to get me enlisted before then. However with a three+ year contract I wanted to make sure I was doing something I wanted to. The other career field in the army I was looking into required me to take the DLAB. Due to some miscommunication, I was already set up to go to MEPS the following week. Upon meeting with me and my mother, the recruiter said that if I did not go to MEPS on the day they scheduled and take the test, that his superior officer would be unlikely to set me up with the test again.

He also wanted me to pick a job before I went.  It was either picking a job now or getting to MEPS and choosing one of the jobs that was available at that time. As it was explained, it was frowned upon to go to MEPS and not become enlisted. That doing so would tell the army that I was not ready to commit and therefor the army shouldn't spend anymore resources on me. Already knowing I couldn't go to college, the idea of not being able to follow through with my backup plan was something I didn't want to face.

Therefor I settled on a job I thought I could live with and was sent off to MEPS the following week to enlist and take the DLAB.

Thank you for reading and stay tuned for part two!

The Worst Part of Being a Photographer

Often times being a photographer is great! Photography itself is an important part of the human experience, it allows us to reflect inward. It's very rewarding to see others respond to your photography, and even more so when you move your own soul.

With event photography you are there to help capture "the moment." This is extremely hard to accomplish. There are technical issues you have to overcome; poor lighting, limited equipment, rapid movement, bad background objects, etc. These issues with time and experience become easier to deal with and help establish better understanding of photography elements. Dealing with these issues will make you a better photographer.

Then there are social issues you have to overcome. It seems like everyone wants a say in how you do things. It doesn't matter if they have any experience in the photography field, some people still think they know better than you. Granted, even with no experience, most people know when they look "bad" in a photo. This however does not mean they know everything about photography. Angles, aperture blur, subject placement, shutter speed, lighting source, flash bursts, and contrast are only some of the many elements photographers have to consider. For people with no experience in photography to force their advice on a photographer, in my opinion, is incredibly rude. Most times these "good seminarians" are only repeating information the photographer already knows or is asking the photographer to go against their own reasoning.

I have experience this myself quite a few times, most recently at a dancing event. The first time I offer to do photography at an event I will usually do it for free. This helps get my contact information out and gives me practical experience. At one large-scale live band dance event I decide to do just this. I was the only photographer there and I did about half photography, half dancing.

About half way through the event a woman came up to me. I had seen her at other dance event but never knew her name. She introduced herself and offered to help take photos while danced. While I usually don't let others use my couple hundred dollar equipment she was enough of an acquaintance that I knew she would treat it with care. Upon editing the photos it was discovered that she unfortunately never turned on the flash and all of her photos where pitch black and unable to be used.

Two-thirds the way through the event a good dance mentor came up to me. This mentor while being an absolutely amazing dancer had no experience in taking photography. We weren't very close either, despite having had a few good conversations I can't say he initiated any of them. This was the first conversation- he had ever initiated with me, and he asked if it was okay to give me pointers as what not to do wrong. As not to be rude I completely heard him out. Most points he brought up were valid from a general standpoint and despite being mildly offended I told him I would do my best.

After the event, I uploaded the photographs and got a message from the same mentor. He again asked if he could give me some pointers. Again, out of politeness, I said I would hear him out. He repeated the same advice he gave me earlier that day but also went on to say what photos should be posted. He added in a few references to some professionals who make big bucks. Now all of this was fine and I could remain calm till he said, "you'll probably get 95% awful photos throughout an event. I prefer seeing 50 dope ass photos over 200 meh." This is a fact that all photographers know. It is also not necessarily the photographers fault, people are hard to capture looking perfect. While it is okay to have an opinion about what photos you like, I don't think it is okay to dismiss the other photos the photographers post as worthless. Especially at more non-formal events, my aim is not necessarily quality over quantity. I think it is important to capture a variety of people in various situations. Not all my photographs are award winning but I think it means a lot to someone to see their picture somewhere.

“All photographs are memento mori. To take a photograph is to participate in another person’s (or thing’s) mortality, vulnerability, mutability. Precisely by slicing out this moment and freezing it, all photographs testify to time’s relentless melt.” 

― Susan Sontag

What this mentor said made me angry but also changed the way I look at event photos. While he thought final photos should be more like portfolio pieces, I viewed these event photos more like scrapbook material, something homely and nostalgic. At more formal events I do go for the portfolio style, but I also think the scrapbook style offers something more connectable. After talking to a fellow photographer I have decided upon the fact that you can't always listen to others' advice. I still tend to be overly cautious of what I post if he was at the event. However, I still try to keep in mind he is only one person out of many who attend these events. I will keep doing both styles and try to keep true to myself.

Thank you for reading

Kicking My Ass into Gear

Brazilian Jiu Jitsu for me was a game changer. It gave me something to work towards when I had nothing to hold on to. It gave me foundation to help rebuild my life with.

From the first time I stepped on the mat, I was part of a community. I was able to work hard and learn from people who knew what they were talking about. I rolled with white belts all the way up to the teacher who is a black belt (though it was mostly the purple belts who kicked my ass). I was supported by both my male and female teammates as I struggled to learn basic sweeps and submissions. Even on social media (when I would post a poor picture of a sweaty me with no make-up in my Gi) I would receive comments from people who do Jiu Jitsu all over the world. Though most of them probably just wanted more followers or for me buy stuff from their store, it was still pretty neat to see how big the Jiu Jitsu community is.

I got my first Gi from an older bjj girl. It's blue and pink and a bit more girly than I would have originally liked (but hey for the price, beggars can't be choosers). Her explanation for the Gi was "if I have to get my ass-kicked I may as well look good." And there is a lot of truth in that, mostly in the fact that beginners get their ass-kicked. For the looking good part, well, usually a minute into the match my hair is a mess and any make-up I didn't wipe off is smudged all over (but beauty is internal right?).

My white belt came from the back room, were all the members who move up in belts leave their old ones behind for people like me. At first I tried on a kid-sized belt, which thankfully did not fit (I may be small but I'd rather not be classified as kid-sized). The other belt I tried on (which I currently use) was a size A4 for adults, which if you don't know is meant for a 200-250 lb person. Needless to say, the 110 lb me has to rap the belt around an extra time in-order for the belt not to drag on the ground (but again beggars can't be choosers).

Yesterday I got my first stripe. After two months I finally have something to show for my hard work besides bruises (which I always have plenty of). I think I progressed quickly mostly due to the fact that every time I rolled with someone I learned something (and there is a lot to learn). Each person had their own strengths and weaknesses, and being able to experience both allowed me to figure out my own. Being small and flexible I can escape out of a lot of situations, but if a heavier person (which is basically everyone) side-controls me or lord forbids gets a knee on belly, it takes almost everything I have to keep from being squished like a bug. My defense game is getting better, though I still have a ways to go with moving up in positions and submitting.

Coming up soon I will attend my first bjj seminar! Hopefully I will have some cool things to share from that soon!

Thanks for reading!

Living a little....

Living in the 21st century is amazing! We have more technology, medicine, and global outreach than ever! But something here has made us lose touch with ourselves. The more we focus on this 21st century the less we focus on ourselves. We forget that our lives need to be lived. 

Before going on exchange I thought I was living my life. It turns out I was wrong. Though I may have been living, I was not living it in the way that made me feel fulfilled. Yes I did things that made me happy, and yes I tried to do things outside my comfort zone, but this did not make me a fulfilled person. I was doing all the thing I thought I wanted to do; aiming for a good college, volunteering, studying. But what I have realized is that I need more than that. Yes those things are good, and yes I still want to complete them, but they can not complete me as a person. I needed adventure, love, and a wider perspective. 

I felt homesick for a place I didn't even knew existed. Coming to Japan I have found what I feel like is my second home. I have never felt such comfort and happiness as I have living here. We often hear the phrase "home is where the heart is," and I believe it. This is why I don't view home as just a physical place. I know I will always feel at home in Nagoya, but more importantly I will always feel at home with the people I have meet there. My family and friends here will always have a piece of my heart. 

Even though I have found a new place to call home I can not say I feel fulfilled. If anything I am more conscious of the fact that I am unfulfilled! Because I have been able to get a taste of the life I long for, now more than ever, I want to live life. I want to be able to see, hear, explore new places. I want to travel the world. I want to see where my heart will call home next. I know I can't go back to how I was living before. I have grown as a person. So now I look to lead a fulfilled life and I cannot wait to see what lies beyond the horizon. 

Photo taken in Okinawa, Japan at the Okinawa Peace memorial museum. 

Reflecting

Its hard to believe that my exchange is almost over. I have gotten to do so many cool things. See so many inspirational places. And most of all, I have been able to meet so many wonderful people.

Its fall here now. The wind has gotten colder. The rains have thinned. But you can still feel the warmth of the sun. Students have started wearing some of their winter cloths and the girls have already started complaining about chilly mornings and skirts. Right now I am able to sit back and enjoy this fine weather with a nice cup of tea. 

Test week starts tomorrow and I can't help but feel a little tired at the thought. Though contradictory to many things I say, I actually enjoy taking the tests. Not because I enjoy crashing and burning, but because I get more out of a test than just a grade. They help me realize that sometimes you just have to do the best that you can do. That if you don't get it right the first several times, it's ok, because life is not a game and you can keep trying till you succeed (still on that road right now). So it's ok to fail a few times on the road to success (or more than a few).

But even with a failure you can still have success. For instance I have never known another time where I have been so happy to receave a 23 on a test. I can look at that 23 on my math test and be the happiest person in the room. Why? Because I got better than I had expected.

I feel I have really grown as a person. Through my exchange I have been able to push myself to my limits. I have been able to recognize my strenghts and weaknesses. I have realized some of the deeper things in life like communtication goes beyond words, and everyone has their own story to tell. To some pretty obvious things like presentations are harder to give in a foreign language than they are in Engish, or that taking the wrong bus home makes for a late night. From being in Japan I can truly say I have become the happiest I have ever been. If I could go back in time I would not have done anything different on my exchange. Though my exchange is not over yet, the though of returning home in 4 months saddens me. I am so thankful every day it get to spend here. 

Thank you~

Update!

My host family seems really nice! I have been able to talk to my host sister via email and Facebook and she seems really nice! Unfortunately we will not be going to the same school. BUT my host sister has described my host school for me and it sounds really nice! She has also sent pictures about what my school and uniform look like!

My school is multi-story and is totally different from my current high school! I will have to take the subway and a bus to get to school though lol, it will be a totally different experience.

MY School Uniform is totally cute!! I think it is navy blue, not sure though, but totally physiqued to get to wear it soon though!

My Host School

I have received my host school information finally! My host school is Nagoya South Senior High School. The website nagoyaminami-h.aichi-c.ed.jp Is all in Japanese but I clicked on every link and found what I think is the school map. It looks very big and spacious much different from my normal high school. I am very excited to be able to learn in such a place.